Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bet he comes in French.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
