i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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