Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
