Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize