we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
