remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
