I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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