so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
