dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
