Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
