i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I forget how to act sober
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
