I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
