I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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