Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
