Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
