I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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