i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
