You work out of a Hotel?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize