So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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