Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
