im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're like the curious george of whores
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
