Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
