No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
