did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
