I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
