Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
