Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
