Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
