its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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