Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize