So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
