sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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