dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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