I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
