I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
