I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
this is an emotional support booty call
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I know her cup size but not her name....
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
