I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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