His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
