im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
