Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
