Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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