I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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