Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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