Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
