Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize