I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
