Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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