This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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