My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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