She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
