In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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