you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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