If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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