my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
