dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
