just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
