My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
