dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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