I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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