That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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