Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
