Please, let me fuck your mom
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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