There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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