i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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