i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
