I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
