Say something about gay babies.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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