It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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