I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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