i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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