I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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