oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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