I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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