Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
