God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
