Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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