Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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