I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
